Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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