(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
