You just made me feel so damn special
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
