Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I need a burrito and a hug.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
