I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
