I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
