we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
