so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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