you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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