I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
