i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
