why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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