There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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