The maid of honor just puked.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His hands were made for my vagina.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am one with the molecules
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
