Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
