How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
