he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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