I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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