i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
