Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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