I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
