Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
