i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
