I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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