i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
