So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
