Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
