I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
