Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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