areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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