Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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