my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Acid is not a monday night drug
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
