Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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