my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
