I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
