you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
