ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
