There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
