eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
