from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I came so hard my ears popped.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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