He felt like a one man threesome
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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