you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
