Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
