We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
