***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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