That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
organizing the empties. That sober.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
