vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
