if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
