Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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