you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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