I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
