You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it because I queefed?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
