i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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