You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
