If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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