so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
