ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
high people should be assigned attendants
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
