Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
