He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
