They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
